I had a strange encounter on a recent flight out of Sydney. I was sitting next to a guy who by “profession” is a male lifestyle coach. What this really means is he exists as part of a community that specialises in getting laid, both for themselves and to coach others.
He described himself as a “f*ckboy with loose morals in a shady community”, but there is way more to his story than that.
Who is this guy
Who he is really doesn’t matter. How he lives is far more interesting:
He spends his days picking up women, cultivating an online and real-world community around his niche, and the rest of his time getting flown around the world by his rich lady friends who spend lavishly on him in return for sex and “emotional baggage handling”. He makes his money coaching other guys how to pick up women (often just for sex, but often to get a girlfriend) and managing a few Airbnb apartments.
Now before you make any snap judgements, let me also say that he has read everything from Eckhart Tolle, to Tony Robbins, to The Dalai Lama. He understands that “Life is suffering” in the Buddhist sense, and that “being precedes essence” in the existentialist way. He creates mental models about how people deal with pain and ego, and makes keen observations about the people around him.
In short, he is both smart, self-aware, and insightful, while also having loose morals, short-term thinking, and living a sensualist lifestyle.
In shorter, he is human.
What’s the bigger goal
While I’m going to extrapolate my view of his higher purpose here, I’m aware that it’s always easier to sum up someone else from the outside looking in, and also that he holds this view in tandem with the more basal view of just having fun. He is neither full saint, nor “sinner” (metaphorically speaking).
I think he views his work as something more. He sees the insecurities that men have as a direct representation of some sort of past pain (most likely childhood relationships with parents). Much of his own motivation comes from his troubled childhood, which he is both well aware of and shares openly and honestly.
From this point of view, his work becomes about helping people realise their Freudian motivators and find a way of getting past them. About seeing that most of their actions come from a combination of bruised ego, neglected childhood needs, insecurity, fear, etc. And that it is only when you are present to this and accept it for what it is, that you can grow and heal.
In a sense he sees the sex aspect of his work as an inconsequential side-effect, “an ice-breaker” to the greater purpose. It could be something entirely different, it just happens that sex is the strongest motivator and where many of men’s problems surface.
To attempt to sum up again, I think his greater purpose is helping men who are extremely out of touch with their inner emotions find a path towards understanding them and expressing them in better ways.
Sex coaching as an industry
I don’t think it’s called sex coaching, but let’s just run with it 🤷♂️
My first reaction to all of this was bewilderment. That this kind of community and industry that I read about years ago in The Game not only is real, but is alive, thriving, and growing around the world.
While this lucrative industry seems crazy at first glance (and if you’re subscribed to my newsletter you will guess where this is going,) this is the natural evolution of capitalism.
In the early days of capitalism-vs-socialism the Russian economist tried to create numerous models that ultimately depicted the downfall of capitalism. They believed that capitalism had a definite lifecycle that would ultimately end in self-destruction, or as later hypothesised, transform into socialism.
However, none of that has come true. In Postcapitalism, Mason explains the cyclic nature of capitalism and how with each long-cycle, capitalism evolves into something slightly different. In our current case, neoliberal capitalism.
Dynamically creating new markets
What both Marxists, Socialist, and Capitalists agree upon is that as profits in old industries reduce, due to technology and deskilling of labour, new industries have to be created.
However, we have come to a point where much of the developed world has already been opened up to capitalism, and most aspects of basic modern life have become transformed into a capitalist industry, the next arena for new industries is in “emotional services”.
This is where sex coaching comes in, eventually neoliberalism needs to turn every aspect of daily life into some sort of market where goods and services can be exchanged.
So when these guys sell their coaching to emotionally unaware men, they are simply fulfilling the next logical step in capitalism; making a market out of our emotional needs.
No matter how good your central planning is, being able to predict and allocate the right number of f*ckboys is absurd. And this is the reason capitalism has won. It is so dynamic in its ability to create new markets out of human needs and desires.